We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
