my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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