My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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