Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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