New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
