Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Help. Why am I so naked?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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