i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
