Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
