He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
