I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
