just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
