I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
