PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
