He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just want nice things and good sex
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
