tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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