At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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