This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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