New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
