I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize