I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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