didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
