She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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