Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
