Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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