I need help removing her.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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