I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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