Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
