Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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