His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
