There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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