I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
