Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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