i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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