capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
