Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
