I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
