so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
