Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
