just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
