2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize