Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im six kinds of drunk right now
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
