Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
