At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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