So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
