He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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