i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
