i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
