If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
