Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
