he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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