Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
