just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
