my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
