hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
