You made me cry and you don't even care
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
