where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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