I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
