just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
