so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
