you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
