Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
