cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
