he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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