Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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