she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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