That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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