Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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