dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
