ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
