Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
