Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
