I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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