Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
