Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
