yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
