just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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